dose of bitter

You tell me to be scared and you tell me how to be safe, but really, when did I ask you? Just let me sit here surrounded by words and naive ideas of humanity. I won't bring you down with me I promise, if that's what you're worried about. I won't come crawling to you when this world, this economy, this beaten down town gets to me. I hate to hurt your pride and that wing you try so hard to cover me with, but I don't care if you're a survivor. I don't care if you're a fighter. I don't care if you're another risen-to-the-top-despite-hard-times somebody. You are the kind of people that that say because I haven't been raped, I haven't been beaten, I haven't been screwed a million times before, I don't know the real world. Sorry I haven't cracked my skull open so you can see all my memories, sorry I don't broadcast my pain like a best-selling memoir. It's a fad now, it's hip now, I'm so not now. Maybe I smile and maybe I tolerate you but have you ever stopped to think that maybe, just maybe it's patience and etiquette? Maybe, just maybe, I don't like you enough to allow you to care about me? Let's make it easy, stop trying. You think I'm a saint, he thinks I'm a whore, she thinks I'm a little girl, they just say blonde blonde blonde cause it's all that registers. What do you want me to say? Oh, I've had a tough life, oh I have secrets, oh you broke my heart into a million pieces and now I'm a stronger, better woman? Right. That's it. Everything is poetry and the world is my pain and the people around me are my muses. Rape me to inspire me, beat me to make me feel what all these warriors feel, take away my fortune so I feel alive. I'll feed off of my pain and suck the poetry right out of you.

You tell me to be scared, but I stopped being scared a long time ago. I stopped trying to be worthy of the secret handshake and the "have a beer and let's talk". I guess it'll be a lonely existence for me, the perfect unintelligent back-stabbing whore saint but I think I'll manage. No hard feelings, but I never wanted your advice anyway.