Today I feel religious

Today is one of those days when I feel there HAS to be some sort of higher being or power that is responsible for all creation. Here's why

My grandmother passed away the other day, and I just got an email from my family telling me so. They requested that I spend a little time at the Florence Cathedral, the Duomo, and pay my regards to her memory. When I went, I was so overcome with emotion that I had to leave quickly. I went to a smaller church, one that has far fewer tourists and camera flashes, and did my mourning there. I havent cried in I dont know how long, but I broke down after I lit a candle for her at this church. I dont know how long I was there, but I felt like everything was dying, while at the same time, everything seemed more alive.

I wasnt surprised to get the news, but I was surprised as to how quickly it happened. She had developed Alzheimer's and it was basically going to eat her. But I was always under the impression that it was usually a long going disease. I'm thankful that neither my Grandmother, nor my Grandfather, had to endure such turmoil for long.

So anyway, this is why I believe in some higher being. The emotion I felt, the love and fear that arose over something that happened so far away, in another life, transformed me in that church. Such emotion doesnt happen by chance, by evolution, by a certain arrangements of cells, atoms and particles. I felt physically different when it hit me. Like I was on some sort of drug. every breath rose and crushed me, I lost feeling in my face and fingers. I just let this emotion wave over me. I felt like when I was praying for her and my family, that something was listening, whether it was my grandmother, God, whoever, SOMETHING was there with me.

I refuse to believe that theres a possibility that everything in this universe is just a result of chance. We are not just energy floating around purposelessly. I dont pretend that I know that purpose, but I advocate acknowledging that there is one somewhere, and our BEING, our feelings, are what will drive us towards that purpose.

One of the biggest things I've learned over the past year is that life comes and goes quickly, and you have to embrace change and try to learn from it. Change is inevitable. And you either have to live it, or live with it. My family has always felt pretty disconnected, and I hope if nothing else, Mammy's passing will bring as all a little closer, even if just for a short time.

Life means something. It has to.