Cryptoquips

I’ve got a hyena on my back that wants what good for me, and she wants to know my where abouts and what fors, like yesterday is something good and I’ve got all the answers right here inside my shirt, where beneath the clean, crisp white, one mismatched bra and tank are fighting for attention. And my pants aren’t fitting right and digging into my privacy it ss a stepping stone of coffee cups that keeps me going, from one eight am meeting to another, hair nice and smile wide. I am so ready to learn and I just got to tell the hyena, I think its cause I’m pretty, I gotta tell you that. I think its cause I’m pretty that I’m getting anywhere. And I dress clean and ready, I look prepared and personable. And I was brushing my teeth and looking in the mirror, washing my hands and staring at my face and wonder when or if this wasn’t acting and was just, who I am. What is the difference between the person that greets people and the person I know. Is it a show? Or have I finally, set it all down, have I always been, one, two, three people.
My hands are dry. Crack, bleed, bend and break.
I rather be the stay in bed all day with him, wearing pj pants and missing the point, that there is more to life than kisses and constant reassurance, that he still loves me five minutes after he says it.
I am begging for the experiences and they keep sending them my way, one on top of another on top of another on top of another on top of another on top of another… I am post-it notes and constant reminders. I am sitting quietly and listening intently. I am setting good examples and smiling widely. I am curious and positive. I am letting go. I am not thinking about myself, at least not in the sense that I need to achieve, but that I need to learn, that I want to learn and will do for others in order to learn. In order to…
Drop

Drip.

The heat turned on.

The fan is singing me a lullaby.

I forgot what this was for.

Do you need to know where my mind is at?

Can you see…

Drip.

Drop…. The ball.

Wonders will never cease.

I don’t want to miss the carnival but I don’t want to go alone.

I need a candy apple in my belly, sticky stuck to my teeth and lips, juice dripping off my chin.
Drop.

I’m considering him for marriage, for offspring and wondering if we could make it long term, or if we’d get bitter and turn at the first sign of great disagreement. I want to name my daughter Ann.

And I’m looking into saving money, how to do it, if I ever get it, because I’m thinking for the first time ever, where we’d live and how we’d live. I always wanted a house, but how did I suppose I’d get it?

There’s lip-print marks on the financial literacy notes I took, and that about sums the injustification of setting down words that don’t exist and saving receipts in a 30 day time, just to find that I don’t have money to spend and only buy a coffee a day. Nineteen dollars in my checking, I have nothing and owe more.

I’ve got nothing and owe more.

I’ve got nothing and owe more.

I owe more.

Sick. Sick. Sick. Matt. Sick and tired. Jogger 20 minutes. Stairs 5 minutes. Ball Abs.

My biggest accomplishment is in the Cryptoquip.