so I guess here it is

ya, so things about me have changed. prolly forever, and completely. Im not really a different person, just different in attitude. im more the person I want to be more than the person i think I am. and frankly I cant complain. I've been learning to let things be the way they be, since its an awful large universe, and I have no control over the things that bear down on us. Im entirely too optimistic of a person.

I cant really remember where I was going with this originally, though my thoughts are currently geared towards the interactions that await me upon going home. Am I going to be this cocky when I visit everyone? what if no one reacts to my return the way I imagine them to? Will my newfound feelings be something I can only feel in Europe?

I dont want a repeat of last year, and I dont know sometimes if I truely have control over things like that. Anthony keeps telling me when we're flying through crystals and hanging with people who dont speak American that "I am Me". He is wise beyond his years. This is the same dude who warns his stoner friends that a cop just passed by, so be careful pulling out of the drive through of mcdonalds. Anyway.
I am me. I control everything about me and I presume, my immediate surroundings. i can sort of control my physical health. I can override any automatic messeges my brain is telling my body. I dont need to puke. I wont catch a cold sitting here on a cold park bench without a jacket. I can see perfectly in the pitch blackness of the darkroom. It doesnt matter what people here think about me, because if I choose, I never have to contact them again, and their thoughts and interactions with me will mean nothing.

But to be nicer, I am me.
I didnt believe that last year,
I hope everyone is prepared.

And because I am me,
I wont have a repeat of last year.

After reading the works of Chuck, I hope I better understand the human condition, the desire to suffer. And I hope I've transcended that.

Cheers to all of you.
All of you who choose to read this.
To everyone trying to figure things out.