so i guess im choosing to capture the memory of heaven and hell

and another 30 til i remember how frequently we came.
the ignorant have it easy, those who try to avoid the pitfalls merely by not paying attention. to live without a wallet. I'll have cake all day everyday for a week, since our metabolisms may still work for and not against us. I've seen my future, and in retrospect its dull. predictable. playing for tips in some basement and calling it edgy and spontaneous. never being a father, marrying a nobody whos way too old. dead end jobs and liquid comfort. being unique only in hobby, of which one no longer practices. the chubby cousin of that guy in the office. jim. perhaps i should have moved in with christy and devon. somehow, with all my stumbling, i feel like i did somewhere. we're happy and dull and perpetually young. ignorant of the bills to be paid, or the necessity of monotony. Devon and i would learn eachother's tricks. Christy and i would drive to the same dead end job. I hope heather would join. I hope heather will join. its already happened. it will never be. these worm holes and rosenbridges could make me believe anything, even that there could be a purpose to it all.
buy i pick ignorance. thats why I'll develop concept, scout locations, and spend my efforts on distraction. isnt that all art is? I read that somewhere once.