in advance of a mental breakdown

I had a dream where we became friends again, and you told me I was missed. things became easier afterwards, then I woke up and realized again that it will probably never happen.

I had another dream where I knew it was a dream, but I couldnt control it like people say we should be able to. It was sorta Lucid I guess, but I couldnt fly, couldnt even jump more than 6 feet in the air.

I had a dream that was like everyday. It was a text asking for lunch, only to be awoken by a text asking me for lunch.

Everyday I wake to dreams becoming dreams becoming dreams. I catch myself in shock and awe in the fact that some of it ISNT a dream while others unfortunately are. And I reprimand myself for ever doubting the realities I've so easily dismissed as dreamt, and grow fierce when I feel tricked into a world I cant have.