not much has changes within the world underwater.  Soon the cycle could repeat itself, but I dont think any of us will let it.  Same day, different sh*t.  Feeling less like an artist everyday I dont think of my movie plans.  Artist anxiety at full throttle these past few weeks, worrying that it will fall flat, and people will laugh at me, my family will be ashamed of me, teachers will fail me.  Who gives a rats buttoot if I mourne and complain about the troubles of old, who needs to witness any transformation with me?  why do I have to be on camera, AND film it all?  these problems are mine not just for privacy, but because no one else wants them.  Palaniuk will snap me out of this.  Bukowski will teach me not to care.  But in order for this to work again I need to hate.  I need to feel despair, like theres no point in going on, and only this video can prove to be my release.  But that wont happen, things are going too well lately, and I wont let my self esteem plummet into that whirpool again.  I suppose that will be the true test of the movies quality,  whether or not I can still push the messege across when it no longer eats at my ankles.  I hope you all understand the dilemma.

its good to be back