The package said, Extra Soft, but I bought it because I had a coupon.

It happens at least once a week now. I don’t have any control over it and I don’t think any particularly special thoughts before falling asleep. I don’t focus in upon, obsess quietly about, or even ponder it in passing. Mostly before falling asleep, I attempt to masturbate, realizing yet again that I forgot to look at porn for some new inspiration and get by on what juicy tidbits I’ve cataloged in my brain. And no, I can’t tell you what turns me on, I’m shy to the language involved.

And yet, come the dream, come the subconscious, whether its set in a dusty western town, or down wet New England roads, the same action finds it way, the same feeling, almost a comfort coming as a tickle on the heart, a slip of a grin during a dark moment.

I can rationalize it for you, I can break it down and make it simple. Explain the reoccurrence, the stutter of the mind, the stubborn situation that brings it up. An attempt to make the unknown familiar, an attempt to get closer, to feel closer and a small measure of satisfaction.

At least once a week now, and I can’t tell you I look forward to it happening but on the mornings it does, I try harder to remember…